(no subject)

i can't help but sever the red string we share.

null

the tremors in my hand are back. somehow they coincide with episodes very often. it has to be some kind of symbolism, losing a part of yourself for a brief while and merely watching it happen. knowing a past mistake will forever remind you that it's still paying rent. letting it all go and knowing other people can see. i'm well versed in the ruse.
sometimes, i swear i can feel my knees start to go numb when i cross a busy street. maybe its wishful thinking. maybe an omen. time will tell.

until the sun goes black,
pm

cabin fever dreams hum to me from outside; it would kill me to let them in.

is this anything? i'm sorry that i will never love like you do. i apologize for living in a different, indecipherable language. does it make sense? my destiny is solitude. it's not by choice. it's fate. i can feel it. it's a missing set of veins, it's an excess of muscle. an anomaly. it's a heart that skips beats out of fear. is that anything at all? it's being force fed after having your arms amputated. it's a structurally integral arrow that was in your skull when you were born. it's seeing timelines backwards. are you there? i will never be able to love in a way that matters. can you hear me? i can care and be appreciated but never at full capacity. are you listening? it's every stage of grief on loop at once. it's knowing. it's ignoring. it's fate. is any of this going through? it's robotic, subhuman, hollow. we cannot do it.
am i anything? i was born with no use. are you anything? i can't make you feel it.
is this anything? it's love that aches. it has overflown. it's not missing, just gone.

is this anything?

my love is infinite and then it stops.